End of a Chapter...

I have only two more radiation treatments left, so I will be done with this "treatment" early next week.  It has not been painful, but I am feeling the fatigue and have fairly nasty radiation burns.  Although the people have been wonderful at BC Cancer and treatment not too difficult, I have to admit I walk into the Cancer Centre each day and the fist words that well up from inside of me are "I hate being here."  The fatigue from radiation is hard to separate from the general sense of being DONE with all the treatments, medical visits, etc.  Although, they really aren't done.  But, it is June, kids are finishing school and eager for holidays, and I too feel like it is time for a holiday from all things cancer related.

But we continue on.  Next week I have yet another MRI (I really don't enjoy these...), another visit with my oncologist and plan to begin hormone therapy within the next two weeks.

I had an oncologist at BC Cancer make a strange comment to me this week.  He said that I don't want to wait more than two weeks after radiation therapy to start my next form of treatment (hormone therapy) as this IS breast cancer and we need to stay agressive.  My response: (internally - as I had to process why his comment ticked me off so much) "Just what do you think I have been doing the past 10 months if not being in agressive treatment!"

Hormone therapy is a 5 year process, so we start with testing the drugs to be sure the side effects are not too severe before continuing.

Sara Jane

Good News

I received a pathology report back from my surgery two weeks ago and there was no sign of cancer.  This means that the chemotherapy has worked and the primary tumor is gone.  Because I opted to NOT have the secondary tumor removed (under my arm) I will most likely still proceed with radiation to be sure there is not "stray" cancer cells left over in this area.  There is a good chance that these are gone too - but will consult with the radiation oncologist next week about how we proceed and next steps.

I did truly believe we would have good news from this report, but to find out that there is NO sign of cancer, was the best news possible.  This was incredibly encouraging and we have felt a great sense of relief this week.  There is still work to be done and there are no guarantees, but it does feel like the hardest work is behind us and we have turned a corner.  

SJ

Healing

Surgery went well and I am recuperating.  Recovering from surgery has been easier than recovering from chemo.  The pain has been manageable, even though I probably weaned myself off the meds earlier than I should have.

I have been amazed at my body's ability to withstand the many assauts on my system and heal.  I was not in great shape going into surgery last week.  I got a cold/flu bug a few days before surgery and my already weakened body from chemo was not in good shape.  A simple walk down the street left me dizzy just a couple days before surgery and I was not gaining the strength I believed I needed.

On the day of surgery, the plastic surgeon took me aside for some last minute conversation and measurements and saw that I was not well.  He asked me a few questions and said that it was possible the anaesthesiologist would not want to go ahead.  Knowing the kind of delays this would mean, I sucked it up and played down how rotten I was feeling.  Surgery went ahead.

I awoke after surgery - with the chemo drugs still weakening my body, a nasty cold/flu bug and the anaesthetic in my body - to begin my recovery.  The first couple of days were not great - but better than coming home after a chemo treatment.  I was cognizant and able to make rational decisions about my pain and care, I was able to have conversation and interact with my family and I was able to rest.

This past week I have seen the plastic surgeon a few more times for post-operative care, and my body is healing well.  No complications.

I have never been so amazed at what my body is capable of.  I have not broken any world records or had the satisfaction of completing some impressive physical feat, but I feel like I have taken on a virtual chemical warfare, sickness and now surgery and my body has responded with this incredible will to live and be well.  I remember my oncologist telling me that because I was young and strong that they would throw everything they could at me to eradicate the cancer from my body.  In my head I was ready for this - because it was the right decision for me.  But physically - I had not idea what I was in for.

I have a new respect and love for my body.  A new respect for the very real, and perhaps mundane, everyday rhythms that make me human.  It is strange that I now feel more at home in my body than I ever have, even in my current weakened and scarred state.

Surgery tomorrow...

Just a quick note that surgery is going ahead tomorrow morning with a 7:45am start time.  It should be about 2 1/4 hours in surgery and then home later in the day.  Matthew will be with me in the hospital and Mom & Dad will be "holding down the fort" at home.

Being a "J" I feel much better about "getting this done" than sitting around and waiting any longer.  I am sick with a nasty cold and certainly not at my best going into this - but still ready for next steps and moving forward.

Thanks for all the well wishes and prayers.  We feel so supported and surrounded by friends and family.

Surgery update & changes...

I am in the process of "organizing" again for my last round of chemo.  I had really good news about surgery today and wanted to share.  

I am currently scheduled to have two surgeries on March 3rd - a mastectomy and a right axillary dissection.  I have been quite concerned about having my lymph nodes removed (right axillary dissection).  Although the secondary cancer was found in my axilla lymph node(s), the primary tumor is in my right breast.  Removal of the lymph nodes if often for diagnostic purposes to determine whether chemotherapy and/or radiation therapy will happen.  I am already finishing up chemotherapy and in the process of scheduling radiation therapy this Spring.  There is a very good chance that if I had this surgery - followed by radiation therapy (which was the plan) within 5 years I will start to have long term mobility issues in my right arm.

So, I scheduled an appointment with my surgeon for next week (just in case we needed to change what surgeries we are doing) and met with my oncologist today.  I prepared my arguments against having this surgery and hoped to be convinced otherwise or confirmed in my own assessment.

My oncologist listened to me as he was looking through my chart then looked up and asked me to stop talking.  "My turn to talk" he said.  He then explained that he agreed that I shouldn't be having this surgery.  The lymph nodes that were cancerous have shrunk and are not detectable by touch.  My MRI in December reported that surgery had removed the nodes (radiologist assessing the images assumed surgery had already taken place as there was such a marked difference).  Chemotherapy is doing what it should and Radiation will "mop up" any possible stray cancer cells and deal with them.

So, I will still have a mastectomy on my right breast, but I will not have the second surgery as well.  To be honest it was this other surgery that I was more concerned about, as the mobility issues can be quite severe and they are for life.

A breast, frankly, can be reconstructed.  That I can live with.

Pausing...

Celebrating Matthew's 40th B-Day with Tina

I am sitting in Starbucks with a good drink, good music and catching up on some work.  I realize that there are few days when I have the energy and drive to get a significant amount of work done.  I miss this.  I am plugging away and looking forward to different or renewed rhythms in the coming weeks and months.

We had a visit from Tina (Matthew's sister) last week and enjoyed both the distraction and a chance to visit with her.  Tina is "good people" and we had some enjoyable down time together.

I am winding up this week as I feel the need to be productive and tackle as much as I can for work and home before my final chemo treatment next week.  I have surgery scheduled for 10 days after my last chemo - so don't expect to be "well" again till mid March or later.

I am ready to have the chemotherapy behind me.  

Sunny Vancouver

Family at the Sea Wall in West Vancouver

It is Tuesday morning and I am getting prepared for chemo treatment #5 today.  Matthew is home as Maddie is sick, so it is a bit of a busier house this morning.  I am feeling the anti-nausea drugs start to relax me already and to be frank the sunshine helps as I get ready.  It always helps here in Vancouver.

We had a beautiful sunny day on Sunday.  Finding a parking spot near the beach was worse than the mall at Christmas as everyone was out walking and enjoying the day.  We joined my Mom & Dad and Max the puppy on a family walk.

I am feeling the increased impact of the drugs as we get closer to the end of my chemo.  I do not recover as quickly and I feel weaker each time.  I am still getting back to 70% or so in the last week, but it is still a slow climb.  I met with the plastic surgeon and my oncologist yesterday, so all is on track with surgery March 3rd, and radiation following my recovery.

Maddie & SJ at the beach

Ethan and I did a presentation on Cancer & My Family for his Grade 4 class this week.  This was a great time for he and I to create some presentation slides, do a little research, and talk a fair bit about our family experience and what we would share with his class.  Ethan does a fair bit of his processing out loud so this was a helpful way for him to gain a bit more understanding and reflection on what is going on in our family.  My dad was home, so he came along and video taped the presentation.  Ethan was thrilled to have this "feature" in his class and have his Mom and Grandad at school with him.

I spent a few days at InspireHealth - an Integrated Cancer Care Centre here in Vancouver last week.  It is the only centre of its kind in Canada and I met people from across the country looking at complementary cancer treatments.  It was quite a learning experience and I look forward to continuing my learning and involvement with this group.