Healing

Surgery went well and I am recuperating.  Recovering from surgery has been easier than recovering from chemo.  The pain has been manageable, even though I probably weaned myself off the meds earlier than I should have.

I have been amazed at my body's ability to withstand the many assauts on my system and heal.  I was not in great shape going into surgery last week.  I got a cold/flu bug a few days before surgery and my already weakened body from chemo was not in good shape.  A simple walk down the street left me dizzy just a couple days before surgery and I was not gaining the strength I believed I needed.

On the day of surgery, the plastic surgeon took me aside for some last minute conversation and measurements and saw that I was not well.  He asked me a few questions and said that it was possible the anaesthesiologist would not want to go ahead.  Knowing the kind of delays this would mean, I sucked it up and played down how rotten I was feeling.  Surgery went ahead.

I awoke after surgery - with the chemo drugs still weakening my body, a nasty cold/flu bug and the anaesthetic in my body - to begin my recovery.  The first couple of days were not great - but better than coming home after a chemo treatment.  I was cognizant and able to make rational decisions about my pain and care, I was able to have conversation and interact with my family and I was able to rest.

This past week I have seen the plastic surgeon a few more times for post-operative care, and my body is healing well.  No complications.

I have never been so amazed at what my body is capable of.  I have not broken any world records or had the satisfaction of completing some impressive physical feat, but I feel like I have taken on a virtual chemical warfare, sickness and now surgery and my body has responded with this incredible will to live and be well.  I remember my oncologist telling me that because I was young and strong that they would throw everything they could at me to eradicate the cancer from my body.  In my head I was ready for this - because it was the right decision for me.  But physically - I had not idea what I was in for.

I have a new respect and love for my body.  A new respect for the very real, and perhaps mundane, everyday rhythms that make me human.  It is strange that I now feel more at home in my body than I ever have, even in my current weakened and scarred state.